Maybe Try Something Different This Valentines Day

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Full episode transcript below

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, which of course has always had a lot of emphasis on love and relationships and romantic dinners and chocolates and gifts. This is one holiday my husband and I don't necessarily buy into. We typically don't have dinner plans or buy each other gifts. I mean, early in our relationship we did, but we've been together now over 20 years. So, I guess maybe we're a little past it. I don't know, not that there's anything wrong with it if you and your partner do those things, I'm just sharing some insight into my life, I guess. 

But, today I want to  speak more to an aspect of love that is really overlooked. And, in all honesty, a huge reason why so many of us are living rather unhappy lives. I think one mistake that many people make is looking for love in all the wrong places. We're always looking outside of ourselves for something that we think will bring us the feeling of love or overall energy of feeling good. Maybe through seeking money, or relationships hoping that those things will bring us the love and happiness we are desiring, but really that's an inside job and you're never going to find it out there or in someone else or in some other idea.

I think as you're starting to get to know me a little bit more, I think it's really apparent that self-development work is something that I'm really passionate about. And, early on in my journey, I came across Louise Hay's material. And, if there's anybody out there who knows how to cultivate more self-love it is her. One of her books that I reference a lot, even when I'm feeling low in the self love tank, is You Can Heal Your Life. In this book, Louise talks about the ways in which we criticize and judge ourselves and how that inner self chatter gets reflected on the outside and creates what we attract into our lives. 

This lack of self love shows up iIn many ways. We scold and criticize ourselves. We mistreat our bodies with food and alcohol. We believe that we're unlovable. As business owners, we're afraid to charge decent prices for our services. We simply don't value and understand our worth. It's these thoughts and actions that create illness and disease inside the body. In our homes, we live in chaos and disorder and overwhelm. We create cycles of debt and financial burdens. And some of us are even attracting others into our lives that belittle us or abuse us. So many of us are walking around with this lack of self worth, judging ourselves, doubting ourselves. Right? So maybe instead of becoming overwhelmed by all of that, all the words, the thoughts, the behaviors. Let's just simply call it what it is. It's a lack of self love. 

And so this Valentine's day, let's make ourselves the recipient of our own love. My invitation for you this week is to do just that. I'm gonna give you some ways in which you can do that through exercises, activities, even setting up your environment. So let's start with some exercises, easy stuff here. I already referenced Louise hay and she was a huge proponent of mirror work. 

It's just telling yourself that you love yourself while looking in the mirror. Maybe it sounds cheesy, but it works. Or, Mel Robbins, she's a little more current today. She started a movement called the high five habit. She writes and talks about giving yourself a high five every single day, just as a way to acknowledge yourself. If you like to write or journal, write yourself a love letter. What have you accomplished lately that you're proud of? Maybe you kicked ass during dry January and you're still going strong. Congratulate yourself in a letter. Or, maybe you haven't accomplished anything, “major”. Maybe you just decided to pick up a book and read more. Maybe you started listening to a podcast like this.  You took a step towards bettering yourself and your environment. Today you're learning how to practice more self-love and last week you learned how to create more sacred space in your home. All of these exercises are penetrating through whatever little crack is starting to open within you. And that is an act of self-love. 

Some activities are you could take yourself out on a date. You can take yourself shopping. Leave the kids at home and go alone. Appreciate walking through a store without your attention being pulled in every direction and being asked to buy everything your child lays eyes on. I certainly appreciate that. I love my trips to Target or the mall alone. Go have lunch with yourself. What museums or parks have you been meaning to explore, but you never make time to do. Book yourself a massage. Go get a manicure. Go for a salon blow out, or maybe just go to the library and pick up one of those Louise Hay books or Mel Robbins books and just read a chapter two. Whatever makes you feel good. You know you have a running list of things you always want to do, but you never make the time for; that's an act of self-love. 

At home, there's a few areas that you could enhance to help cultivate this energy of more self-love. In Feng Shui we have a tool called the bagua map and basically without getting into much detail, it's an energetic map that is laid over a floor plan. A practitioner would lay this map over your floor plan and know what sections of your home are represented in particular areas of your life. And, the area that represents love and relationships sits in the far back right corner of your home. When we talk about relationships, we're talking about the relationship to yourself, or the relationship with your partner. Not so much ancestral family relationships or those with your children, those are in separate areas of the house. 

So, if you imagine standing at your front door and you're looking into your home, you're going to look to the far back right corner of your home. That's your love corner. If that feels a little too complicated, you can also apply some of these tips to your bedroom. The bedroom represents intimacy, not only with a romantic partner, but it also represents that intimate connection with yourself. So, this is a great area of the home to connect with yourself, follow your heart, treat yourself with some kindness. We talked a little in last week's episode about your connection to the objects in your home, and so we definitely want to be removing anything in these particular spaces that do not represent you in a positive light. So anything that doesn't feel supportive or fails to convey a positive self image. Anything from past relationships or painful memories; pictures, or artwork of sad or single people, or even just singular objects, really be mindful of what's on display in these areas. 

Once you've done some removal, you can start to add enhancements. The element that is associated with this area is the earth element. Again, earth represents grounding, supporting, mother earth energy. So, if you think of a mother's love for her child or what that should look like, it's unconditional love and support, and that's what we're aiming for. So, you could add not only colors that represent love, such as pinks and peaches, sometimes red, just be mindful if you're applying some of these tips to your bedroom, to keep the red minimal so that you don't bring in too much fiery, yang energy to what should be a more restful and relaxing environment. 

But you could also bring in earth tones, such as neutrals, browns, and creams, even mustardy yellows and dark muted oranges can all be brought into the space through your bedding or other fabrics in your throw pillows and blankets; things like that. Patterns and materials could include florals and stripes and gingham, sheers, and lace and satin. 

Just think soft and flowing and relaxing. Furniture made from natural materials to help pull in that earth energy that could be oak, teak, rattan, all of those work really well. And really just bringing in things that you love, healthy plants, scented candles, artwork. Just make sure your artwork is inspiring. Maybe it's pictures of you traveling, or landscapes that you like or places that you want to travel to. Anything that you really love and want to experience would be really great imagery for these spaces. 

I really could go on and on, but the purpose is to just start creating an environment that supports you and fill it with the things that you love so that you can start to appreciate yourself a bit more. And these tips for the home are great, not only for self cultivation, but also if you're trying to attract a romantic partner or enhance and strengthen your current relationship. 

I guess on that note, I would just add that if you're working in the bedroom to specifically ensure it's set up equally. Meaning everything is in a set or pair. There's two nightstands, two lamps, and decorative objects are in pairs of two. The bed that you're sleeping in is big enough for two people, and you're not still sleeping on your college mattress. 

I see these things, it happens, but just bringing some awareness to what's playing out in your environment will help you kind of cultivate a relationship if that is what you're seeking more of.

I know, implementing these will be really helpful for you, but only if you take action.Self-love, isn't always easy for some of us to unravel, but I think it's really important to. The thoughts that we hold onto are not only playing out in our relationships with ourselves, others and our environments, but also in our bodies. Negative thoughts create negative, energetic patterns in the body, and that eventually creates illness, sickness, disease. 

This is the mind body home connection, and it's backed by research and science - It's real. So if self-love is something that you really struggle with, please let me know. I have a lot of tools and resources that I can share to help you uncover some of that. And, we can approach it without self criticism and blame. A lot of these patterns and beliefs start in our childhood. It could have been how you were treated or spoken to by your parents, your relatives, teachers, coaches, even your peers. And the reason why is because they didn't know how to love themselves either. I was just recently listening to another podcast who had Gabor Mate on and he wrote the wildly popular book, The Myth of Normal, which is interesting because I was just having coffee with a friend who was telling me about this book just days before. So needless to say, I already ordered my copy. But, he was speaking directly to this point where you can't blame yourself or others, especially your parents. They were doing their best based on the state of their own well-being and understanding of what it means to unconditionally love yourself. If you don't love yourself unconditionally, you are simply not even capable of loving another without condition. 

He also went on to say that adults are just taller children walking around the planet, unsure if they're loved and accepted as they are. And so, it's time for a revolution. It's time to bring this to the surface so we can be healed and transcended so that we're not continuing to pass on the same patterns and beliefs and behaviors to our future generations. 

So again, I challenge you to try something different this Valentine's day and go show yourself a little bit of love.